Why We Don't Do Santa Claus

Ramona is at the age where Santa is a hot topic and it's something I've discussed with a lot of my parent friends this year so I wanted to gather my thoughts in one place.

Ramona's relationship with Santa got off to a rocky start. She was about 10 months old around the time of her first Christmas, during the throes of the first wave of stranger danger. We foisted her on the very warm-looking Santa (we were in Austin) and now have some hilarious pictures of her and her baby friend screaming on Santa's lap.

"Get this the fuck off my head, Mom."

The next year we tried again, this time at Bronner's Christmas Wonderland. We waited almost an hour to see Santa. The end result was that Ramona screamed her face off when we put her on Santa's lap and the only way we ended up getting a picture was to have me hold her somewhat near Santa, but out of her line of sight.

These people are serious about Christmas. It looks like this all year. Photo Credit: Ken Lund

We moved to California at the end of 2014 and didn't have the opportunity to go back to Michigan. We did, however, consider going to a different Santa, but Ramona was old enough to remember how scared she was. Every time we walked by the Santa Hut at the local mall, she'd freak out a little bit. We finally decided to tell her that Santa wasn't real. It was something we were already leaning towards but it seemed like a good way to alleviate her fears.  

So why were we leaning towards it at all and why have we doubled down on it now that she has teachers and friends and other people she generally trusts tell her that Santa is real?

1. Santa has a social justice problem. We tell kids that if they're good they'll get presents from Santa. What about children from families who can't afford to give them a lavish Christmas? Are they not good too? Santa conflates wealth with goodness. Obviously it's not something you bring up when you tell kids about Santa, but that isn't a deep question, especially considering how competitive kids can get.

2. As much handwaving as you do, telling a child that Santa is real is still lying to them. We work so hard to teach children to be honest with us and each other. We tell kids that lying is wrong. But how do you reconcile this lie? And when they do figure it out or we have to tell them, then what? Either the kiddo figures it out and is upset that their parents and the people they trust have lied to them or they get to the age where you need to tell them and then it's crushing. Why start in the first place?

Probably what you think I look like

3. In the same vein, we've now had to have discussions with Ramona about how Santa isn't something she's allowed to talk to other kids about and if they ask her if Santa is real, she shouldn't say anything. So now I'm telling her to lie to other people. And while I understand the alternative here is to lie to her and tell her that Santa is real, I don't want to have to lie to her so other people can lie to their kids.

4. I've spent the past 12 years working really hard to be in the position I am right now. And now I'm supposed to give credit to some old white man for all the presents that I buy her? NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

Smaller issues:

• We tell kids to not trust strangers, but it's okay that Santa some how spies on them while they sleep and he knows what they do on a day-to-day basis. 
• And then he commits the felony of breaking and entering. 
• Also, Santa? Totally breaking the laws of thermodynamics. 

We're in California. Holy crap.

You know what's scarier than driving up a winding mountain road?
Driving down a winding mountain road.

You know what's scarier than driving down a winding mountain road?
Driving down a winding mountain road at night.

You know what's scarier than driving down a winding mountain road at night?

Driving down a winding mountain road at night with lowered visibility.

You know what's scarier than driving down a winding mountain road at night with lowered visibility?

Driving down a winding mountain road at night with lowered visibility from the forest fire that is raging away close to where you're driving.

You know what's scarier than driving down a winding mountain road at night with lowered visibility from the forest fire that is raging away close to where you're driving?

Driving down a winding mountain road at night with lowered visibility from the forest fire that is raging away close to where you're driving and trying to make sure that you make it out of the winding mountain road fast enough so that you beat the road closures that are caused by the OH MY GOD THE FOREST THAT I AM CURRENTLY IN IS ON FIRE AND I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING AND I'M IN CHARGE OF MAKING SURE THAT NO ONE DIES.

 ...but we made it. Mostly. And more later, I hope.

UT Nostalgia

Yesterday was the start of the fall semester at UT. I happened to be on campus because met with my (omgformer!) advisor about the direction I want my projects to go. (The answer is always more grandiose than I have the ability or resources). It was bittersweet seeing the bustling campus. While I don't want to be back there preparing to TA an astronomy lab that no one wants to be in (hello, international relations majors), this is the first time in a decade that I have not been part in first day of classes on a college campus. (Holy crap, I have a case of teh olds.)

I've spent the better part of the last three years not going to campus all that often. I worked from home for most of my (uncomfortable) pregnancy and then only went in when I had to since Ramona was born. However, I will miss some things about campus, with the biggest being the elevator in the Speedway parking garage. Weird, I know, but it's glass and you can look out and see people and buildings and trees. It's strangely lovely, and the best way for me to calmly survey the chaos before thrusting myself into it.

dirty window, quiet campus

Last day of school

I had my defense today and it went well enough that I passed.

And now I'm going to nap forever.

We're Moving!

Image by Chloe Fleury found here.

I've been waiting for the right time to post this, and now seemed like a great time.

We're moving to San Francisco!

At least, we're moving to the Bay Area. We don't have a place yet and Colby is still looking for a job, but those are just details, right? I'll be a Hackbright Fellow in the fall, where I'll learn python, how to network, and hopefully I'll be able to line up a job for the future. My hope is to be a software engineer or a data scientist.  I am beyond excited and I'm hoping that I'll have the time to blog about my experiences. 

More later and please keep your fingers and toes and eyes crossed for me because I'll be defending in a week from today.

Oh hai.

So. I'm still here. I've intended to resurrect the blog so many times that I've lost count, but I'm pretty sure that it's going to be mostly dormant between now and when I defend. By the way, my defense is scheduled for August 11th. Please don't tell me how many weeks away that is, because I might have a full blown anxiety attack. I had an over-caffeinated freak out this afternoon, but I talked it out with Kyle. So I'm good, as long as I don't think too long about how much I have to accomplish (and do well!) between now and then. In fact, I'm required to give a draft of my thesis to my committee by July 11th and that is entirely too soon for my tastes.

If you'd like to watch my thesis meltdown much closer, I'm on instagram (again). I'll be taking pictures of pens and lattes and the odd picture of the back of Ramona's head.

It's a very cute head.

Twenty-seven

We interrupt the string of poorly-written posts on San Francisco for my annual birthday check in.

I've officially left my mid-twenties for my late twenties and so far, so good.  Twenty-six was a very good year for me, mostly because of this face:

I can only hope that twenty-seven treats me so well.  So happy birthday to me and happy Valentine's day to everyone else.

The unwilling insomniac

Right this moment, my house smells of garlic and onion and chicken and Ramona's sitting on the floor playing with a pile of toys.  It's quite lovely.  We had chicken and 40 cloves last week and I harvested the thighs and drumsticks from an organic roaster chicken to make it.  Since I knew I had time to kill, I decided to cook the rest of it in the slow cooker on a bed of onions, garlic, and carrots.  While this all sounds like a wonderful Sunday afternoon, it's not Sunday afternoon.  It's 4:48 AM on Monday morning and I started the chicken at about 3 AM with the knowledge that I would be awake at 8 AM to get it out and (likely) put it in the fridge.

"Why," you ask, "are you going to be awake at 8 AM if you're awake at 4:48 AM?"  Good question.

This all started with Ramona's 9 month well check.  When the pediatrician asked about her sleeping habits, she was surprised to hear about her late schedule (down at 3 AM up at noon) and then gave us a pamphlet about sleep phase disorders.  It turns out that I probably have delayed sleep phase syndrome and Ramona either has it too or is being subjected to mine.  I guess what happens is that for whatever reason, your circadian rhythms get out of whack and you just want to go to sleep later than most people in your time zone do.  I've been like this for as long as I can remember.  My family used to joke that I was "stuck" on Korean time, but I'm pretty sure that after 26 years here, I should have adjusted by now.

For the most part, it's not a big deal.  DSPS has been linked to ADHD (which I probably have), and clinical depression (which I don't).  It seems like the problem stems from not getting enough sleep since people with DSPS don't have a problem staying asleep, they have problems going to sleep at a societally indicated time.  In high school and college, I powered through and consumed a lot of caffeine.  I also relished the days in which I had no classes before noon.  In grad school, it was mostly more of the same, although I've always had to TA early classes.  Once I became pregnant, the caffeine stopped, but I did manage to sleep more because I was tired all. of. the. times.

And now I have a 9 month old who likes to go to bed at 3 AM, which is around the time her mama prefers.  I'm currently being paid as a graduate research assistant, which means that I can make my own hours.  While most people are getting to work , I'm in the middle of my night.  I usually end up working in the afternoons and late at night, saving the early evenings for Ramona and Colby.  There isn't this tired all the time problem because I do get enough sleep, it's just offset from everyone and my work output isn't suffering because I'm tired, it's suffering because I have a baby.  The one thing that is kind of hard, however, is Colby's schedule.  Colby usually goes to sleep around the same time as us, but he *does* have a job that requires him to be somewhere before the early afternoon (oppressive, I know!).  This means that he usually averages about 5 hours of sleep a night.  When the doctor mentioned DSPS and the "simple" way to fix it, he was super excited.

So.  After all this rambling, my birthday present to him is to try to fix our weirdo sleep schedule in time for the holidays.  While we could work on sleep hygiene and take melatonin and blah blah, we're currently trying to stay up an hour later each day until we get back around to a normal schedule.  While most people can't do this, this has been perfectly timed because it gives me extra time to work and Colby time to sleep.  Today, I'm supposed to go to bed around 8 AM, although I suspect it'll be a bit later.  By the weekend, we'll be going to bed at 2 PM, which sounds crazy, but I'm hoping that we can get back to some sort of normal schedule so that Colby isn't so sleep deprived.

Grad things

I haven't posted about grad school in awhile.  Basically, it's hard.  I mean, it's not like crazy hard in and of itself, but it's really hard to try to figure out how to balance being the best parent I can be and being at least an adequate grad student.  I've recently discovered the What Should We Call Grad School tumblr and it's hilarious and totally true.  I've crafted a little story that may or may not be based on true events.

post-qual

that constant feeling about grad school

when I realize all my other friends have jobs

two projects at the same time

every meeting with my PI

how I feel for choosing academia

why I don't socialize at socials

liberal arts

when someone asks me when I'm going to graduate

This is why I haven't been posting so much food stuff:

me:  lol
like
the Mg lines have a voigt shape
is that what you're talking about?
like if you look at
5172
in hd122563
that's a voigt profile

astro:  so I guess one problem that I have with that is that it looks like a gaussian fit to that line isn't that bad

me:  oh

wait

ugh.

maybe I gave you the wrong line

there are some super duper strong Mg lines

try 5183

or

fuck

hydrogen

astro:  ok, 5183 has clear shoulders

and I'm not really interested in hydrogen in that way. We're more just good friends.

pre-birth story

I spent three hours this morning in labor and delivery getting my blood pressure monitored to make sure that I hadn't developed full-blown preeclampsia.  It was not the most fun, but as long as I stayed down, my blood pressure went back to normal levels, which was good enough for them to release me after the monitoring, but concerning enough to put me on modified bed rest with a planned induction for this week.  Given our options (one of which was leap year and not acceptable), we went with tomorrow.  Unless I manage to spontaneously go into labor myself (the chances seem slim right now), I'll have my water broken at around 7:00 AM in order to attempt to induce labor.  Hopefully this works and I'll be able to proceed into the natural childbirth I paid $300 to learn about, otherwise it'll be a synthetic hormone that imperfectly mimics the one that the body produces when it goes into labor.

So, what I think I'm saying, is catch you on the flip side.

birthdays are the best days.

Greetings from my birthday presents!  Unforunately, the birthday shoes didn't fit well, but the birthday tablet birthday tablet works really well, especially in conjunction with the birthday tablet keyboard.  I was super excited to use the tablet to blog, but then I realized that getting pictures onto the tablet was going to be a challenge.  I haven't figured it out just yet (hence a picture-less post), but I have a feeling that the tablet and keyboard are going to come in handy to help me keep sane once the baby gets here.  Speaking of which, according to my OB, this could happen at any point, because as of tomorrow, I'll be full term.  I guess it's time to start with the spicy food, red raspberry leaf tea, and excessive walking.

Late Night Musings

My calendar has never been so jam-packed before in my life.  Partly, it's due to the fact that I'm actually writing out what I'm up to, but there's also so much baby-prep going on that it makes my head spin.  Who knew that finding a pediatrician would prove to be so difficult?

I was going to post a menu for this week, but it was rather uninspired and most of the week we haven't cooked anything because we've been out of the house so much.  Kimchi is not amused.

I've never seen a dog whine so much that she wasn't in bed.  Not that she couldn't go by herself, she's just needy like that.

My annual letter to Colby

Dear Colby,

I want these for my birthday:

I'm size 37.  And the bonus part?  If you order them before next Tuesday, they're 50% off.  Also, I kind of want this too:

In green and definitely with the Boston Terrier design.

And while we're at it, I want this rug from Pottery Barn Kids for the nursery.

I mean, it's not even for ME and it's MY birthday.  I'm being completely selfless here, so you basically have to get this for me.

Love,

Julie

Nursery Preview

I think I've begun the nesting process.  My assumption was that I was going to begin cooking up a storm a week before I gave birth, but I think my nesting urges have been funneled into decorating.  We've inherited a rocking chair, toy chest, and dresser, but not all of these are in the condition that I want for the room, so we've been working on redecorating.  I'm not exactly sure why this is happening.  If you've ever seen my house, it's rather... plain.

One of the biggest things I wanted to happen was to get the chair reupholstered.  This was the same chair that my parents rocked me in, so it's quite worn and dated:

hellloooo 1980s

Chair fabric

The toy chest (with loads of random crap on it) used to be bright green, but we painted it a flat chocolate brown.  I'm also have a cushion made for the top in pastel pink with light green polka dots.

Pictures of these pieces to come once they've been completed!


After playing around with the upholstery, I decided that I wanted a curtain valance (since we already have blinds) and a dust ruffle for the crib.  I like the idea of hand-made, but purchasing these things on Etsy requires one to first win the lottery, so I enlisted my friend Randi to help me make these.

Randi making the valance

Make the tall guy deal with the curtains

Tada!

We're still working on the dust ruffle, but I'll have pictures of the entire room once it's complete.

Twelve Days with a Grateful Heart: Kimchi

Ahhhhh, that was a nice break from posting, but I'm back.  While November was National Blog Posting Month for many of the members of the Austin Food Bloggers Alliance, December has become 30 Days with a Grateful Heart, as led by Austin blogger Jote of Bless Her Heart.  I know of a few people participating, but decided that 30 more days of blogging would be too much, especially with the holidays, my impending committee meeting, and a cross-country road trip to Michigan and back.  It seemed, though, that this was something that could help me foster personal growth, especially since I've had a hard time feeling gratitude for much of anything lately.  I've decided to post 12 things for which I am grateful instead of 30.

Blame it on the hormones, but to say that I haven't exactly enjoyed pregnancy is a massive understatement.  This was a huge surprise and I'm still coming to terms with the reality that between now and March, I need to grow up a lot.  That's not to say that I didn't want to expand my family, it's just that in my immediate future I saw a baby dog, not a baby human.  And why is it that I want another dog?  It's because of this face:

So today, I'm grateful for Kimchi.  She always seems to know when I need attention and love and she loves food nearly as much as I do.

Black Friday

We went out on this morning at midnight to see what Black Friday was like.  Neither Colby nor I had ever had the full experience, so this was more anthropological than shopping.  I did see some deals that looked good, but waiting for hours to get into a store+getting trampled on+waiting for hours to check out didn't seem that appealing.  This is what the scene looked like outside of Target:

No, that's not the line to get into Target, that's the crowd that gathered to watch the line to get into Target.  At about 12:05 AM.  

Here's the line to get into Target:

And then at around 12:30, we meandered down to Best Buy, and they still had a line, complete with security guards.  It was kind of nuts.

Needless to say, we didn't buy anything, but now that my curiosity has been sated, I'm content with spending my future Black Friday Eves basking in the glow of a food hangover, rather than contend with crazy crowds of motivated shoppers.

Wherein the posts get a little thin towards the end of NaBloPoMo

I should probably post something, eh?

I don't have too much to say, except that for once, I'm okay with the University of Michigan not screwing up a game because Michigan State is going to the first Big Ten championship game.  Yay!

sweatshoes

This has been a pretty terrible week to be a member of the Big Ten and it's not getting better with the Carrier Classic, so here's a picture of the shoes I wore today.  It was super brisk this morning and these are like the warmest non-boots I own.  They're basically like wearing a pair of sweat pants on my feet.  Also, my belly? Out of control.

Penn State Part II

After reading more about Paterno's role and the timeline of events, I'm as conflicted as Matt Millen, so I decided to take down my previous post.


JoePa always stood for integrity in college sports, but now I'm not so sure.  I'm deeply saddened that this entire thing happened, but I think we need to focus on the fact that Jerry Sandusky is the one who is actually facing charges for child molestation, not JoePa, not Graham Spanier.  I hope, for the victims' sake, that the trial is quick and decisive.